


The Sun That Didn't Set

by ironfamjam



Category: Free!
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Car Accidents, M/M, Or Haru falling into a spiral and needing his friends to smack him out of it for Makoto's sake, Team as Family
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-26
Updated: 2020-05-26
Packaged: 2021-03-03 00:01:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,271
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24395449
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ironfamjam/pseuds/ironfamjam
Summary: Haru knows the story. Azuma had a race more important than anything and had made the wrong call in having a best friend he loved enough to distract him and make him lose.But then the accident happens. And Haru knows he wants Makoto more than any golden victory.Anyone who doesn't understand that doesn't understand anything at all.
Relationships: Hazuki Nagisa & Nanase Haruka, Hazuki Nagisa & Ryuugazaki Rei, Matsuoka Rin & Nanase Haruka, Matsuoka Rin & Tachibana Makoto, Nanase Haruka & Ryuugazaki Rei, Nanase Haruka/Tachibana Makoto
Comments: 9
Kudos: 127





	The Sun That Didn't Set

The sky is a pale blue, typical of January’s usual frostiness. Makoto steps in, pressing his side into Haru’s in an almost unconscious effort to share his warmth. Perhaps not unconscious, but so ingrained it’s a habit he doesn’t even realize at this point. Haru glances up at him, not saying anything, but not moving away either, just watching Makoto’s eyes, gentle like the snow, light up when a train comes barreling down the track where they’re waiting at the station.

“Ah, there they are.” Makoto smiles, waving cheerily. 

Nagisa bursts free from the train, shooting his arms out in a happy arc, “Ahh! It feels so good to stretch!” he twists his body left and right, grinning widely at the two of them, “And the weather’s so nice today too!”

“Nagisa-kun.” Rei sighs despondently, “At least say hello first.”

Nagisa frowns, “You didn’t say hello first either.” He retorts and Rei sputters before turning away, crossing his arms, “Makoto-senpai, Haruka-senpai, thank you for picking us up from the station.” 

Makoto chuckles, rubbing the back of his neck, “It was no trouble, it’s always our pleasure.” He glances down at Haru, smiling slightly, “Right, Haru?” 

Haru’s expression doesn’t change, but he makes a soft affirmative noise in the back of his throat and Makoto’s smile grows a little brighter. “I hope the trip wasn’t too exhausting.” 

Nagisa leaps in the air to throw his arms around them both, pulling away to flash a grin, “Nope! Rei-chan let me watch movies on his tablet and there was this _one_ movie that was _very_ risqué, not like our innocent Rei-chan at all.” Nagisa cackles suddenly as Rei’s face heats up and he runs to pull Nagisa off his friends, shaking him furiously.

“Stop telling our senpais such awful things!!” Turning to Makoto, Rei looks practically close to tears, “It was a mistake! I never meant to download it- it was supposed to be a drama but it ended up being the wrong one and-”

Makoto’s hand rises just to fall atop of Rei’s head, petting his hair gently, “Yes, yes. We know Rei. Don’t worry.” 

Rei’s eyes shine, “Makoto-senpai!” 

Nagisa pouts, “You’re no fun, Mako-chan.”

“Nagisa, don’t tease Rei so much.” Makoto scolds, before brightening again, “Now come on, we can stop by my place so you can drop off your stuff and then we can show you around like we promised.”

Woes forgotten, Nagisa cheers and the four leave the station together, all set for their weekend together. 

It’s been a bit over a year and four months of Makoto and Haru living in Tokyo and setting out to achieve their dreams together. It’s after the New Year, Haru poised to compete in the regional competition after clearing the prelims. Rei and Nagisa have gone on to be in separate universities each doing their best- they’re even both part of their school’s swim clubs. More for fun than anything else, but still. 

This weekend was the first in a long while that the four of them were able to be together like this and they weren’t about to let it go to waste. Which is why they end up at Meiji Shrine as their first stop. It’s a beautiful destination in and of itself and is already packed with tourists excited to learn more about the history and culture. 

It’s a chance for the four of them to pray for a good year- albeit a little late- and send their wishes into the heavens where they might just be heard. They wait in a short line to purchase their ema plaques, Nagisa going straight towards the character themed ones while Haru opts for the simple ones with animals painted across the front. 

“Do you wish there was a dolphin one Haru?” Makoto teases, laughing quietly when Haru just looks away, lip jutted out just a little.

“This one’s nice though, isn’t it?” Makoto suggests, almost like a peace offering. 

Haru glances at the stylistic wave painted onto the wood, considering it for a moment before nodding. “This is fine.” 

Makoto smiles before picking the same one. “Now we’re matching.” 

Haru feels a faint heat behind his cheeks but pegs it to the gust of hot air from the heater and walks past Makoto, “Come on. They’ll leave us behind.”

Using the ink pens provided, the four of them get to work writing down their wishes. Nagisa scrunches up his face, going to write and then stopping over and over until Rei sighs exasperatedly, “Nagisa-kun, what is it?”

“There’s just so much to wish for!” he cries, “There’s good fortune, and that they never run out of my favourite snack at the vending machine, and that I don’t get Demon Professor again, and that I beat that stupid Yakamura at the breaststroke and-”

“Okay, okay, I get it. Why not just buy more then if you can’t fit them all on one?” Rei suggests and Nagisa beams, lurching forward to hug him.

“Rei-chan! You’re a genius!” 

He turns to run back to the stand when Makoto catches his eye. “Mako-chan? You’re already done?”

Makoto looks up, jolted slightly, “Huh? Oh,” he laughs shyly, “I guess I’ve just been wishing this for a long time.”

Nagisa’s eyes light up, “Oooh, what is it! What is it!” 

Even Haru glances up with curious eyes and Makoto’s expression twists like he’s caught off guard before he smiles again, “It’s a secret.” 

“Ehhh??” Nagisa slumps, pulling at Makoto’s sleeve petulantly, “No fair.”

But Makoto holds firm. Haru looks up at him, frowning slightly. “Haru-chan, you too?” Makoto pouts.

“You always tell me.” Haru says simply. 

He doesn’t like secrets between them. Never has. Especially not since hidden feelings had always been the cause of all the rifts between them. His heart squeezes just thinking about it. 

Caught in Haru’s gaze, Makoto can’t help but let the words pour out of his mouth, “I just wished for my dream to come true.” 

Haru closes his eyes, smiling, “Is that it? Of course it will.” 

In hindsight, he doesn’t know why he assumed he knew which dream it was that Makoto was referring to. 

When they’re done, the four of them head to the racks, tying up their emas and praying for them to reach the heavens. Makoto ties his up with an almost reverent care, smiling at it like he was lost in his own little world. From the other side of the rack, Nagisa ties his own, unable to stop himself from seeing the back of Makoto’s plaque where his wish is written in that tell-tale scratchy writing. Nagisa’s eyes widen before they close, a soft smile on his face. 

“Nagisa-kun?” 

He looks up at Rei, shaking his head, “Nothing. Just thinking that Makoto’s wish must be really special.” 

He looks up again, watching as Makoto laughs at something Haru says and the almost imperceptible smile on Haru’s lips. 

The second Rei and Nagisa go back home, Makoto and Haru are flung into their real world lives. Makoto’s part-time job as a swim teacher takes up half of his after school time, the rest of it is divided between actually being a student and studying and practicing being a trainer in any way he can. For now, until he becomes better at it, Asahi and Haru have volunteered to be under his care, the three of them trying to get stronger together. 

Haru closes his eyes as Makoto massages his shoulders and back, his fingers undoing all the tension he left the pool with until Haru feels like he’s floating away. He bites his lip to keep from moaning as Makoto works a specific knot that’s been bothering him for hours and he almost asks Makoto to keep going when he feels his friend pull away. But he doesn’t. 

He can’t, really.

“Feel better?” Makoto asks quietly, and Haru can hear the kindness in his voice.

“Mm.” It’s all he can muster up the energy to say.

“You’ve gotten better, your stroke is a lot cleaner. Less wasted energy.” Makoto praises.

Haru rolls over on the bench so he can look into those familiar green eyes. “You had a good regiment. I just followed it.” 

“A team effort then.” Makoto compromises and Haru just blows out a breath, allowing Makoto to pull him up so they can leave.

“At this rate, you’ll definitely qualify for the Olympic team.” And inside Makoto’s eyes is an ocean of pride that rocks Haru right down to his core.

All his life, people had told him he was a prodigy. That he was a genius. That he was amazing at what he does. And yet none of those words ever felt quite the same as the unconditional faith that Makoto held for him always. Ever since Haru can remember. 

Inside Makoto’s smile is the unfaltering belief that Haru will soar above the rest, cutting through the water all the way to the gold. Inside Makoto’s smile is a faith so strong Haru almost succumbs to it blindly himself. 

“I have to win the next competition first.” He says instead. Because he can’t ever say thank you properly.

“You’re going to be amazing, Haru-chan.” Makoto says like it’s a fact. 

Haru pulls his shirt over his head, shooting Makoto a look, “Drop the chan.”

Makoto just laughs.

Haru doesn’t get the chance to see Makoto much for the next three weeks outside of their training sessions together. Haru’s pushed to his limits by his team coach, Azuma, Makoto, and himself. By the time the day is over, he’s too exhausted to think and it’s all he can do to make it back home just to eat and fall asleep. 

He knows Makoto’s no different, if the slight bags under his eyes are anything to go by. “Makoto, you need to rest too.” Haru says, voice firm.

It’s things like this that are the closest Haru will ever get to scolding him. It’s not really his nature and it’s always been more the other way around. But Makoto’s also the type to put everyone else’s priorities over his own and sometimes it feels like Haru’s the only one in the world who notices. Like everyone else is content to let Makoto run himself ragged if it brings them any gain. 

But Haru would rather be a second slower in his time than see Makoto work himself to the bone. 

Makoto looks at him in surprise, before his tired eyes crinkle in a smile, “I’m fine Haru. I promise.” 

Haru’s brows narrow and Makoto raises both hands, “Haruuu, don’t look at me like that. I swear I’m doing okay. I’m just a little tired today is all.” He switches gears quickly, smirking slightly, “But don’t think I’ll go easy on you.” 

Haru stares at him a moment longer, both of them caught in a battle of will before he sighs, looking away. He knows he comes off as the stubborn one, but Makoto’s like a mountain. Once he makes up his mind, he’s rooted, planted firmly into the earth until not even the strongest waves or the most violent winds could uproot him. 

Haru frowns as he dives into the water. Fine then. He’ll just have to excel at this enough that Makoto is so satisfied they can both go home early. 

But Makoto wants Haru to win. And he isn’t satisfied until it’s well past the agreed upon end time and well after Makoto’s helped Haru cool down, ending again with another God sent massage. Haru doesn’t even try to pretend that he doesn’t enjoy it. He melts into Makoto’s hands and lets himself be carried away by the feeling of utter peace in his heart. 

“Makoto, who taught you how to do this?” 

“Hmm….” Makoto’s pace changes as he thinks, “No one really. I think I just try to imagine what I would have wanted after doing all those torture practices with Kou-chan.” He laughs and Haru feels the echoes of it in his skin. 

“You should tell me if there’s something missing though okay? Or something I could be doing better.”

“You’re already perfect.” 

It slips out so honestly that Haru almost doesn’t realize he says it, but he can hear Makoto’s breath hitch and a part of him just wants to cover up his face with his hands to hide the flush he knows is growing faster every second. The other part of him wants to stand by his words boldly, but the feeling of kind of wanting to die overtakes him instead. 

He presses his face deeper into the towel pillow and wonders if he just doesn’t say anything else his words would just erase themselves. And because Makoto is perfect, he carries on with his ministrations, clicking his tongue, “Don’t try to spare my feelings Haru. I can always improve.” 

Haru’s quiet for a while before he peeks up from his towel, gaze firmly on the floor, “You could try focusing on my neck more.” He suggests quietly.

Makoto’s fingers reach for where his shoulders meet his neck, pressing in small circles, “Like that?” his voice is low and Haru feels something change in the air, he doesn’t dare breathe.

“Yeah.” He whispers, unable to help the little gasp he traps in his throat. 

“Are you feeling more confident now Haru? About the race?” 

Haru thinks about it, about all the sweat and energy he’s poured into his own improvement. About how much harder he’s tried these couple months than he has in his whole life. About how incredible it feels to finally have a purpose. 

But in a rare show of honesty, Haru rolls over and Makoto’s hands freeze above him. “I’m afraid. And I don’t know how not to be.” 

There’s so much more he can add to that. So much more nuance. He’s afraid to try now that it matters. He’s afraid to fail now that he genuinely wants to win. He’s afraid that if it’s just him out there, he’ll freeze up like he did back in high school. He’s afraid that maybe he really is average- now when he least wants to be. 

But Makoto looks at him with those understanding eyes and just holds out his hand. Haru grabs onto him and feels an almost childish ache to be held. Or maybe just grounded. Tethered to something that would never waver. Something certain he could find only in Makoto’s eyes. “Haru, you were amazing even before you had a dream. And now that you’re fighting for something you want so desperately,” Makoto shakes his head, sincere, “even I can’t imagine how far you’ll go and how much more amazing you’ll be.” 

“Makoto…”

The hand around Haru’s tightens before Makoto bends down and presses an encouraging kiss on his forehead. Haru’s entire body feels like it’s been basked in the sunlight and he feels the urge to throw himself into Makoto’s chest and just press his cheek against his heart but he’s so overcome that all he can do is stand there as Makoto pulls away. “You’ve been working hard Haru-chan, I’m sure it’ll pay off. And you know that I’ll be cheering the loudest from the stands watching you do it.” 

Makoto smiles at him again, tells him to finish changing and that he’ll go get them drinks and meet up outside. Haru stands in the changeroom feeling like his entire world had been slowly realigning and he’s only now just begun to notice it. His heart beats like it’s trying to shout out a message and unable to stop himself, his fingers brush over the spot Makoto’s lips had brushed over before. How could he not have noticed that Makoto is the sun and that he wanted to be in his orbit forever? How could he not have realized something so painfully obvious. 

He wants to tell him. He wants to repeat it over and over, every declaration one step closer to infinity and even that wouldn’t be enough to express how much he loves Makoto. How much he’s always loved Makoto. How much he’s grown and wants to keep growing because Makoto’s been there for him with that warm smile Haru loves so much. 

And he runs out the building, eyes desperate, lungs on fire, the words ready to burst from his lips but then he sees Makoto, tired and trying to hide it and the words die in his throat. 

Not tonight. 

Later. After the race. After he wins. After he makes Makoto proud of him. 

Makoto hands him his drink, eyes concerned, “Haru, are you okay?”

And Haru feels like his heart will glow so bright from his love the whole world will see but the smile on his face is bright and true and Makoto’s eyes widen from the sincerity of it, “Yeah. I’m feeling better than ever.” 

The day of the competition arrives and Haru’s heart is pounding. There’s more riding on this race than there ever has been. A competition of worthiness that only he knows he’s playing. He stretches his arms, rolling his neck, trying to calm his nerves. He won’t be at his best if he’s too preoccupied with all this. And he can’t afford to lose focus. 

Not today.

He checks his phone quickly, mostly to see if Makoto’s messaged him. He always does, before a race. But the last message is still the one sent two hours before, _I’ll see you there! Don’t forget the stretches I taught you!_

Haru frowns, an odd feeling eating at him before he shakes his head, batting it away. Makoto didn’t need to text him good luck for Haru to know that he was thinking about him. And all Haru had to do is win. Something like anticipation thrums inside him. 

He can’t wait to see Makoto’s smile when he does.

The thought makes the passion in his heart burst into flames and he strides out into the pool with an infallible determination and an iron will. He sets up on his starting block, mouth pulled in a steely line. The air is tense. He takes a breath. The whistle blows.

Haru flies. 

He surges through the water, sliding through like he’s weightless. He pushes himself, faster, faster, faster. All the training he’s done, all the exercises, all the laps, all the stretches, all the diets, all of it, all of it, it all pushes him forward. He’s better. Stronger. He sees Makoto’s hand, outstretched in front of him, and kicks faster so he can reach it. He wants to achieve his dream, wants to make it onto the Olympic stage, wants to prove that he’s worthy of the love he already knew he had but couldn’t accept quite yet. 

His hand slaps the sensor and he rips off his swim cap, shaking his hair out of his face as he turns to see the screen. _Nanase Haruka- 1._

Haru sucks in a breath, the excitement roaring through his veins as he pushes himself out of the pool. He turns to the stands, trying to find the one person he wanted the first thing he saw after winning to be. His eyes flick over every seat, something anxious bubbling inside of him as each face turns out to be someone else. Haru looks around the entire pool, brows furrowed, stomach clenched. 

He doesn’t understand. Makoto wouldn’t have missed this. He would never miss a race of his. Especially not if he promised he’d be there, cheering the loudest. 

But Haru would know Makoto anywhere, at any time, at any distance. And he isn’t here. 

Unable to help the twist of his lip as he walks into the locker room, he unzips his bag, glaring at his phone like it has all the answers when someone tearfully yells his name. Haru turns around, half-wishing it’s Makoto, but knowing it’s Asahi. But instead of a teary congratulations, Asahi’s shedding real tears and he’s trembling so hard Haru thinks his knees will buckle beneath him. 

“Asahi?” 

Asahi’s lip wobbles, “It’s Makoto.”

There’s water in his lungs. 

No. Nothing’s wrong. There _can’t_ be anything wrong. Makoto is a mountain. He is constant. He is unwavering. He could never crumble into dust. 

“He’s in the hospital.” Asahi’s tears dribble down his face, “He won’t wake up.” 

That’s not true. It can’t be true. There is no universe, no world, no reality where that can ever be true, but Haru’s already pushing past Asahi, sprinting even though his legs are shaking from over-exertion, sprinting though his lungs are already burning, sprinting though his vision blurs and he can’t think of anything other than _Makoto Makoto Makoto_. 

Asahi calls out his name but Haru can’t, he just- he _can’t_. But when he bursts through the doors of the stadium there’s Kisume with his car and Asahi’s pushing him inside and Haru collapses into the seat, head between his arms as his friends’ words rush over him, unintelligible over the fear pounding inside his every atom. 

This can’t be happening. 

_“You’ve been working hard Haru-chan, I’m sure it’ll pay off.”_

His arms tighten, eyes squeezing shut.

This can’t be happening. 

_“You’re going to be even more amazing.”_

He had beaten his record today. He had taken first place guaranteeing him a spot in the national inter-school competition. He had swam his hardest and achieved his goal. But none of it meant anything if Makoto wasn’t there to smile at him and say “you were amazing, Haru-chan.” 

Haru’s victory tastes like ashes in his mouth and all that’s in his veins is a throbbing fear and a terrifying anxiety of having a hole ripped through his heart that he isn’t sure he will ever be able to fix. 

There wasn’t a thing in the world that could replace what Makoto is to him in his heart. There wasn’t a single medal, a single title, a single victory that could make up for even a fraction of Makoto’s presence. And there wasn’t a place on the planet, not here, not in Iwatobi, not anywhere that could bring even an ounce of that same feeling of complete peace, of being right at home, as he did being at Makoto’s side. And he already knows there would never be a person that could hold even a candle to the light in just Makoto’s smile. 

They pull into the hospital parking lot.

_This can’t be happening._

But they are ushered into the ICU ward and they are escorted to room 312 and they open the door to see Makoto lying down on a gurney, eyes closed. His chest rises and falls, a twisted sort of constancy. 

Haru’s breath comes in little pants before he’s gasping. His lungs refuse to expand, there’s no oxygen in his blood, he’s dying, he’s suffocating, he can’t _breathe_ why is Makoto there. He wants to run to him. He wants to run away. He can’t do this. He can’t do this. He’s not- there’s no strength inside of him. He’s always been more fragile. Makoto might wear his emotions on his sleeve, but he perseveres, and he can handle the hard stuff and Haru feels like he’s breaking, a million little pieces scattered into nothing. 

“He was hit by a car, crossing the street.” The doctor says and Haru whips around, eyes wide.  
“It was his right of way, but a car came speeding out of nowhere. He pushed the person next to him out of the way, but he took the full impact of the car.” 

Haru’s lip trembles. He can’t speak. He can’t even think. Car?? Accident?? 

“And his condition?” Kisume asks, voice level and Haru marvels at how he can function at all, not when Makoto _won’t open his eyes._

The doctor takes a breath. “I won’t lie to you. It’s not good. His body sustained several injuries and some internal damage. We just brought him out of surgery and if things go well, he should recover. But we don’t know when he’ll wake up.” 

The implied ‘if’ hangs in the air like a guillotine. 

The rest of the conversation fades away for Haru as he stares helplessly at his best friend and wonders how the universe could possibly do anything terrible to him; the one person in the world who was good all the time, no matter what. The one person in the world who deserved this suffering the least. 

He really thinks he’s drowning. 

“But why can’t you tell us when he’ll wake up?” Kisume presses, voice getting increasingly higher pitched.

“I’m sorry. We just don’t know. For now, all we can do is monitor him. You have to brace yourselves for the possibility that he may never-” 

Haru’s breath hitches and suddenly he’s racing out the door. He can’t be in that room. He can’t hear those words. He can’t be anywhere near that possibility that can never be allowed to happen. He can’t be in that space where Makoto is but isn’t. He runs down the corridors and doesn’t stop. He runs and he runs until his lungs feel like they’re going to burst from right out his chest and his forehead is pressed against the wall and he thinks he’s crying but he isn’t sure and all he can hear is the doctor’s words, echoing, echoing. 

He is a coward. He’s never been able to face the truth. Never been able to swallow his fears. He can’t be here. He has to get out of here. He can’t stay while Makoto is so far gone asleep and if he wakes up then- 

The thought of Makoto waking up alone stabs Haru right through the heart. 

Makoto’s always hated being alone. And he’s never liked hospitals. And he’d probably be disoriented and afraid and confused and in more pain than he’s ever handled in his life. And his eyes would flash open, gasping for breath, and his head would whip around, searching for someone to hold his hand and there’d be no on there. An empty space where Haru always was. 

Haru’s hand clenches into a fist and he bites his lip so hard he’s worried it will bleed. Haru could never do that to him. _Would_ never do that to him. By Makoto’s side forever, that’s where he wanted to be. That’s where he _promised_. 

He can’t leave Makoto’s orbit. He never _wants_ to leave Makoto’s orbit. And like he’s pulled by gravity, his legs start moving and he wishes Makoto could hear the apologies bubbling in his throat and slipping past his lips. He never wants to leave Makoto alone. And he knows that if the situations were reversed, Haru would never be alone either. 

Haru throws open the door and Asahi and Kisume turn to him, bewildered, “Haru!” 

He catches both their eyes, sees the distress, the worry, the fear. 

“Makoto’s going to wake up.” Haru says, certain. 

He looks at his best friend, breathing evenly. There’s a chair next to his bed and Haru sits down, something like determination in his eyes. He takes Makoto’s hand, squeezes it. “Makoto. Don’t worry. You won’t wake up alone.” 

Haru may be enwrapped in Makoto’s gravity, but he knows that Makoto would do absolutely anything for him. That he would overcome his biggest fears and overcome all the odds for him. That if Makoto knew that Haru was here waiting, he would break through his coma through his own power, swimming up to the surface to break through to reality where Haru was waiting.

Haru won’t give up on him. Not now. Not ever. 

Makoto would wake up. 

He had to. 

Haru holds vigil at Makoto’s bedside, doing nothing, and yet everything he can. The Tachibanas come immediately when they hear, his mother bursting into tears at the sight of her son, falling into the chair next to him. His father stands stoically behind her, expression grave. “Thank you Haru.” He says finally, looking at him as he gets up to leave and give them privacy, “For being here with him.”

Haru nods, “Of course.” 

He takes the time to go back to his apartment for the first time in two days. He showers- the bath forgotten for now- before packing a to- go bag and returning to the hospital for him and Makoto’s parents to take turns staying at Makoto’s side. It’s only been another three days when tearfully, the Tachibanas have to return back to Iwatobi. No one knows how much longer this will carry on, but the twins can’t stay at their friends’ house forever and the bills still need to be paid and there’s still work that needs to be done, but it’s okay, because Haru will stay in their place.

Makoto’s mother pulls him in for a hug, holding him tightly. “Haru-chan.” She cries, “Please watch over him for us. I’m only able to leave because I know that you’ll be there. Because you love him just as much right?” her tears run down his neck and Haru’s arms wrap around her, uncharacteristically, but so importantly. 

“I’ll stay.” He promises, and her arms cling tighter to him, “Please leave it to me.” 

Makoto’s father grips his shoulder, nodding, and though it’s more painful than anything, the Tachibanas turn to leave, knowing they have to keep their family afloat even though it hurts. 

Haru takes his spot next to Makoto, pulling out a textbook, reading quietly to himself. Next to him, his phone blinks with missed messages and calls, but he ignores every last one. He can’t be bothered to deal with his coach nagging at him and with Azuma harassing him. He glances down at Makoto. He already knows the story.

Azuma had a big race. His best friend got into an accident. Instead of going to the hospital, he went to the race instead and just ended up losing. Because that’s what it meant to be a champion. You had to keep going. Nothing else could matter. 

Haru squeezes Makoto’s hand. 

But they were wrong. Nothing else matters but _this_. What did winning mean if Makoto wasn’t there to see it? What was the point of achieving his dream if he couldn’t share the victory? _“It’s meaningless without you.”_

He gets it now. He gets it. 

There’s no point if Makoto isn’t there. So he ignores the demands for him to return to practice and to pull his weight and to stop being an idiot because the only idiotic thing he could do right now is leave when he promised not to. And so he resigns himself to being here, urging Makoto through any psychic link they might have to wake up when the door bursts open and Nagisa storms in, eyes in a rage. “Haru-chan!” He yells, startling him out of his daze.

“Nagisa?” He looks past the blonde to see a similarly stoic man behind him, “Rei?” 

Nagisa’s expression darkens more, “Don’t look so surprised to see us.” Immediately, his gaze flicks down to Makoto and every last shred of anger disappears until it’s just a shadow, “How could you not tell us?” And when his voice breaks Haru feels it in his heart.

Guilt rushes through Haru’s body and he looks away, overcome with it. “I’m sorry.” He says finally, because he is. And he doesn’t really know why he forgot that Makoto is loved by so many other than him. “I should have called you.”

Nagisa’s hands are at his hips, lip pulled, “Yeah, you should’ve. We’re supposed to be a team Haru-chan. If Asahi-chan hadn’t called Rei-chan we might never have even known!” 

Haru’s eyes widen, “Asahi..?” 

Rei pushes up his glasses, “We’re acquaintances you could say. But Haruka-senpai, it should’ve been you.” Somehow, Rei’s quiet disappointment is worse than Nagisa’s yelling.

“I know.” 

The three of them lock eyes before Rei sighs, looking away, “Well, the past is the past. What matters is that we know now.” He turns to Makoto, expression cracking, “How is he?”

“No change since he’s been here.” Haru answers, holding onto Makoto’s hand again, “But he’ll wake up.”

Nagisa pulls his arms in front of him, “Of course he will! Mako-chan would never give up!” He reaches forward, grabbing Makoto’s free hand and clasping it with both of his own, “I hope you can hear me Mako-chan! But we’re rooting for you!” 

Rei smiles, “Keep fighting, Makoto-senpai.” 

Haru watches them, something soft in his heart before Rei looks at him, serious once more. “Haruka-senpai, there’s another reason Asahi called me earlier.”

Haru tilts his head.

“He said you’ve been skipping practice and that no one can get a hold of you.”

Haru looks away. “So what.” 

“Haru-chan, you can’t keep avoiding school, you have things to accomplish too.” Nagisa admonishes, and it sounds strange, being lectured by him of all people.

“I don’t need to practice.” He replies, voice cold, “I need to be here, for when he wakes up.” 

“Haru-chan, the nationals are coming up and you have to place if you want to make it to the Olympic team.”

“Exactly! And you’re going to need every bit of your strength if you’re going to get first. The swimmers who make it this far are terrifying.” 

_“I said I’m not going.”_ Haru bites, voice dangerously low, “How am I supposed to race when Makoto can’t even wake _up_.” 

The silence is violent. 

“Haru-chan-” Nagisa’s voice starts soft before it tightens, “How can you do that? Mako-chan worked hard with everyone to help you find your dream and you’re just going to abandon it?” 

Haru stands up, arm lashing out to the side, “I’m not abandoning anything! My dreams??” He glares, daring anyone to say anything, “What does it matter! I don’t care about any of that if Makoto isn’t there!” 

Nagisa sucks in a breath, “Haru-chan-”

But Haru won’t budge and Rei gets between them. “Haruka-senpai,” and Haru’s prepped for a fight and he’s ready to tell everyone, even his friends, that they don’t know what they’re talking about when Rei’s voice changes, “have you eaten at all yet?”

Haru blinks. 

“No?” Rei continues, “Let’s go to the cafeteria then, Nagisa-kun can wait with Makoto-senpai.” 

Haru hesitates, watching as Nagisa brushes the hair out of Makoto’s face. “Even you need to eat senpai.” Rei says gently and slowly, Haru nods, following him out.

They walk down the corridor in silence, standing in line to place their orders. “The competition’s in ten days, you still have time to practice.” Rei says quietly.

And Haru wonders if this was his plan all along. To move him away from Nagisa’s heat and wear him down with a logic cooler than the snow falling outside. 

“Not this again Rei.” Haru’s voice leaves no room for discussion but Rei is undeterred.

“Makoto-senpai could wake up before then and you’d have lost all this time.” He says reasonably, but Haru doesn’t want to be reasoned with and his reply is sharp. 

“Being at his side isn’t a waste of time.” 

Rei flinches. “That’s not what I meant, I just-”

“There’s always another race.” Haru interrupts, moving past him, “But there can’t ever be another Makoto.” 

Rei doesn’t say anything after that. 

A week has gone by and Haru makes Asahi tell the coach that he won’t be coming in for the next while. When asked if he’ll swim in the race, he says he doesn’t know. That answer apparently isn’t good enough, but Haru doesn’t care. 

He calls the Tachibanas every day at their request, turning on the camera to show them their son and update them on any medical news. So far, there isn’t anything of note. Makoto’s body is healing well but his brain still won’t let him go. It’s so like Makoto, to go at his own pace. And for the first time in his life, Haru begrudges him for it. But he refuses to say that he wants Makoto to be more selfless. 

Hasn’t he spent his whole life telling him to stop? 

It’s quiet in room 312. Before, being silent with Makoto was as comfortable as being alone. But now the lack of chatter makes him want to scream. He misses Makoto’s laugh when he says something at Haru’s expense. He misses the way Makoto’s shadow fell on his face when they walked during the sunset. He misses the way his hands felt when they grabbed his shoulders when he was scared and he misses the way he said his name. Every type of way. 

Mostly, he misses Makoto’s eyes. The soft green of a nurturing forest, eternally blooming. The crinkle when he smiles, the steel when he was focused, the softness when he looked at him, like he was the world. 

“Makoto.” Haru begs, fingers twisting in Makoto’s gown, head bowed from the weight.

“Please.” 

And he’s never had to ask Makoto for anything, never had to say what he knew Makoto could read in every nuance of his face. But he’d shout his pleas to the heavens and out on the streets and to anyone who would listen if it meant that Makoto would hear him. 

_“Would you be okay if I wasn’t by your side?”_

“I’m not okay. I could never be okay.” Haru’s head falls, collapsing atop of Makoto’s heart, voice barely higher than a whisper. Choked and pained and so desperate it hurts.

“Don’t go where I can’t follow.” 

The day of the competition nears, it’s four days away. Haru’s motivation has already disappeared altogether, but now he can’t even bring himself to care. Everyday Makoto stays sleeping is another day where all he can think about is the fear that’s ensnared him so tightly he can’t even move. So he has no energy then, when the door blows open once again and Rin strides in, eyes stuttering between anger and heartbreak. 

His worry for Makoto wins out in the end as he runs to his friend, fingers hesitating before him. Like he can’t bear it, Rin’s fingers touch Makoto’s cheek, before curling into a fist at his side. “I didn’t believe it at first.” He laughs, but there’s no humor, “ _Our_ Makoto? The guy built like a goddamn tank? No way.” 

His brows fall and his lip pulls like he’s in pain, “I never thought I’d see him like this.”

Haru doesn’t say anything. Just watches Rin watching Makoto. 

“When Nagisa called me, I could barely understand what he was saying he was crying so much.” He tries to smile, but it comes out wobbly and tears roll over his cheeks instead.

“You know, he’d been giving me training advice over facetime. He said he’d been watching me swimming for years and that he wanted to help me improve if I’d let him.” Rin smiles for real now, squeezing Makoto’s wrist, “He had some great tips actually.” He lets out a fond breath, “He really does know us well.” 

He looks at Haru then, all the gentleness in his expression evaporating, eyes furious, “Which is why I can’t believe what you’re doing right now.”

Haru stares back at him, silent, but that only makes Rin angrier. “How could you do this to him? Waste away like he wouldn’t want you to be fighting your hardest.” 

Haru’s jaw tightens and Rin’s arm lashes out. “How long are you going to do this Haru! How much more are you going to throw away!”

“I’m not throwing anything away.” Haru replies, voice even, but a hidden steel hiding beneath.

“Bullshit! If you don’t care about your career and yourself then fine! But what about Makoto!” 

Angry now, Haru stands up, glaring right back, Makoto between them. “I’m the only one thinking about Makoto! All any of you care about is the stupid race! I’m the one who cares about him waking up!”

Rin chokes, the edges of his face sharpening, “I don’t care about Makoto?? I’m able to come this far now because of everyone’s help! Including his!”

Rin takes a step, hair whipping around his face, “All those diet recommendations, all those exercise suggestions, all those massages, what were they FOR Haru! If you don’t go to this race you’ll be throwing away everything Makoto’s worked so hard for! He’s always given you everything of him and this is what you do with it!?”

“That’s why I have to stay!” Haru yells and his voice booms in the room. “Makoto’s always been there. Always. And now the one time he needs me you’re asking me to leave?? All he’s ever wanted was to be together, so don’t tell me you know what he wants when you don’t!” He knows he’s bordering on hysterical; he’s never yelled so much in his life, not since _that_ time and he never wants to think about that again. 

“It’s BECAUSE he’s always there for you that you have to go!” Rin shouts right back, “You think this half-assed excuse at self-pity is going to make him happy?? You’re kidding yourself!” Rin’s entre expression twists and he lurches forward until he’s right in Haru’s face. 

“All he’s ever wanted?” Rin’s eyes flash, “It’s _you_ who doesn’t know what Makoto wants because you’re too blinded by your own feelings. Sitting here wasting away isn’t going to make your regrets go away! What are you trying to prove!”

Haru steps back like he was slapped. 

“That you love him?” Haru’s pushed back further, entire body trembling, “He already knows that! Everyone knows that! You think losing out on your shot at the world stage is going to prove anything??” 

Haru’s eyes widen and he stumbles into the wall, heart pounding. There’s now way Rin could know. _He_ didn’t even understand what he was feeing until so recently. But Rin’s staring at him with certainty and Haru can barely bear to look at him.

“You really think the you that’s standing here now is who Makoto will accept those words from?” 

Haru feels his heart collapse right into his lungs. 

When Rin leaves, he can’t feel anything at all. 

Haru doesn’t want to move. He can’t. He doesn’t have the strength anymore. Nothing matters anymore. His phone rings, it’s Asahi and he can see the plethora of messages beneath. Haru buries his face between his arms. He doesn’t care. He doesn’t care. He doesn’t care.

Though he tries not to, he hears Rin’s words echo in his head and he squeezes his eyes shut. He didn’t know what he was talking about. How could he? There’s no one in the world who knew Makoto better than Haru did. Who was Rin to talk about what he would or wouldn’t want?

His phone rings again, it’s Nagisa this time. But Haru turns it off. He already knows what day it is. He doesn’t need the reminder. He can’t bear it. He can’t bear this. 

The door slides open and Haru doesn’t have the energy to fight anymore. Something is dropped in front of him on the gurney and Haru pulls his head up out of his arms to see a pair of jammers and Nagisa’s narrowed eyes. “Come on. We’re taking you to the race.” It’s the first time Haru’s heard his voice so flat. 

Haru looks past him, to where Rei’s crossing his arms. “It’s time now Haruka-senpai.” 

“How many times do I have to tell you before you understand?” Haru tries to demand but it just comes out weak and battered. 

“How many times do we have to tell _you!_ ” Nagisa counters, “We’re sick of this! We’re all worried about you! And we’re worried about Mako-chan.”

Haru’s hands curl into fists on his lap.

“I won’t let you throw away Makoto’s dream. I absolutely won’t.” Nagisa’s voice doesn’t shake but his shoulders tremble, “He’s worked so hard, all this time, to help you achieve your dream and you’re acting like it’s nothing.”

Rin’s face flashes in Haru’s mind and he bites his lip, entire body clenching. “You don’t know what you’re-”

“It’s you who can’t see what we’re talking about.” Rei cuts in, standing next to Nagisa. “Makoto-senpai will wake up.” His voice engulfs the room with its confidence, an iron wall no doubt could overcome, “He’ll definitely definitely wake up.”

“Mako-chan’s the most reliable one of all of us!” Nagisa shouts, “And there’s so many more things he has to take care of! He has to pull you out of the bath and he has to help keep Rei-chan’s head on straight when he freaks out about school and he has to keep me out of trouble and so much more! And you sitting here makes it look like you have no faith in our captain!” 

Haru’s eyes widen. His breath staccatos in his throat. 

“You’re not just you anymore Haru-chan. Your dreams and Mako-chan’s dreams- they’re intertwined! And I won’t let you make him feel guilty that he was the one holding you back when he’s been trying to support you this whole time!” 

“Nagisa-” 

“Makoto-senpai already bears the weight of the world on his shoulders, please don’t add this as well.” Rei asks softly, “He would never forgive himself if you missed your chance at the world stage because of him.” 

And Haru wants to swim. Of course he does. And he wants to win and he wants to take on the world _of course he does_ but, “I can’t.” and it comes out choked and garbled and he looks at Makoto and feels planted so deeply in the earth he feels like he’ll fall right into its core. 

Nagisa shakes his head, sighing with an almost smile on his face, “In the end, you only ever listen to Mako-chan huh?” And he digs something out of his pocket holding it out for Haru to take.

The ema plaque hangs in the air and Haru’s mouth opens and then closes, fingers reaching to curl around it. “I took it from the shrine before we came here.” Nagisa explains, “You should read it.”

Haru looks at him, eyes wide. Nagisa rubs the back of his head awkwardly, “Ahah, it took a while, but Mako-chan’s writing is terrible isn’t it?” 

Haru’s hand trembles and he doesn’t know why his lungs won’t expand anymore but he flips the wood over and feels the almost overwhelming urge to cry. 

Makoto’s writing really is terrible. 

_I want to achieve my dream of helping professional swimmers reach their own dreams! And I want to help Haru-chan win gold at the Olympics!_

A dry sob escapes Haru’s throat and he can’t help but clutch the plaque to his chest, staring at Makoto like searching desperately for an answer. “I don’t want to do it without him.” He finally gasps and it’s not enough. 

The words die in his throat but they swirl in his lungs. He doesn’t want to go on without him. He doesn’t want to keep surging past. He doesn’t want a future if there’s no Makoto in it. What did any gold medal mean if Makoto wasn’t there to see it? What’s the point in winning if it would only remind him of the gaping hole in his heart that only got bigger. Haru takes Makoto’s hand and squeezes as tightly as he can because he knows that he can’t ever let go. 

He wants Makoto more than any golden victory. 

But Nagisa just reaches out a hand to pat his hair, eyes gentle. “You’re not doing it without him Haru-chan. You’re doing it _with_ him. And you’re doing it for him. Everything he’s helped you accomplish, all his encouragement, all of him, it’s right there.” Nagisa points at him before his eyes soften, “Just imagine how proud he’ll be.” He laughs, “Not like he isn’t always proud of you. Makoto’s always looked at you like you’re his pride and joy.” Nagisa smiles like sunshine and Rei nods behind him.

“You’ve both worked too hard for you to stop now.”

Haru shakes his head, “It’s too late, they probably already took me off the-”

Rei throws his head back, hand on his hips, “What do you take us for? A couple of amateurs? We told Asahi-kun that we were going to bring you to the race no matter what. He’s been telling your coach you’re coming for days now.”

Emotions Haru doesn’t even know how to name swell inside him, “Rei…Nagisa…”

“Don’t thank us yet. You have to win first.” Nagisa wags his finger before pointing at the clock, “And you have to go right now!!” 

Haru soars upwards, grabbing the jammers before looking back at his friends. “You’ll stay with him right?”

Rei smiles, looking steadfast, “Of course we will.” 

And Haru takes in a breath, hand still wrapped tightly around Makoto’s dream. 

_You’re going to be amazing, Haru-chan._

Unable to help himself, Haru leans down, his breath ghosting over Makoto’s lips, “If I win, you’ll wake up.” And he presses his lips at the corner of Makoto’s mouth and leaves trying desperately not to look back for fear that gravity will draw him right back. 

He wants to thank his friends, all of them. For everything they always do for him. He sprints down the hall, hailing a taxi the second he shoots out the door. They’ve always been the ones to keep moving him forward, always there to show him that his life had so much more to give. He thinks about Makoto, always pulling him out of the water, always bringing him home. This whole time, he’d been thinking only about his feelings, about his own unbearable longing and pain. 

He didn’t think at all about the bags under Makoto’s eyes, the all-nighters he’d pull, the trained eyes watching him as he did lap after lap. Everything of Haru was held in the palms of Makoto’s hands but if he had no strength left to fight for himself, he could fight for Makoto. He’d always fight for Makoto.

And he runs into the sports facility, pushing past the other athletes until he makes it to the locker room where Asahi lights up when he sees him. “Haru! Thank God. Oh thank God.” He cries, “Coach would’ve killed me this time for sure.” 

“I’m sorry.” Haru says, trying to look as sincere as he feels, “For worrying you.”

Asahi pauses, looking at him for a second before smiling, “You’re here now, that’s what matters.” 

Haru smiles back, softer, before yelling erupts from behind the locker room wall and Rin storms in, waving his phone like a flag, “HARU!” 

Haru whips around, sees the name flashing on Rin’s phone screen and feels his entire chest expand. 

“Hey! What’s he doing here! He’s from the other team! Get him out of here!”

“It’s not my fault this idiot never charges his phone!” Rin yells right back. 

“Hey!” Asahi shouts, jumping in between them, “Shut up! This is more important than that bullshit!”

But two other guys are already pushing Rin out and he growls, struggling through, “Haru!” And he’s throwing his phone in the air.

Haru shoots from his spot clutching the phone like it’s a lifeline. He brings it up to his ear and the entire world fades away. “Mako…to?” he can barely even hope.

He can almost hear the smile in Makoto’s voice despite the tiredness he hears underneath, “Haru-chan.” He greets and Haru’s very knees shake. “Thank you,” he says, voice so warm, “for being with me all this time.”

“Makoto I- I-” Haru doesn’t even know where to start, can’t even fathom how to begin, can’t even think beyond the stream of _thank you thank you thank you_. And every instinct is telling him to turn around and run back to his side. Every muscle in his body aching to feel the light of the sun that didn’t set after all. 

“Mmm.” Makoto hums, “Not now Haru.” And he knows that though it kills him, he can’t run back to his side, “You can tell me after you win.” 

Haru doesn’t know how Makoto can always sound so confident in him. Even after all this time. 

His fingers tighten around the phone, lips pressing together. “I’ll win. Because of you.” He promises, though his voice cracks.

And just like always, “You’re amazing in the water Haru-chan. I’m so excited for the world to see it too.” 

And when Haru takes his swim jacket off as he steps out onto the poolside, he doesn’t check the stands like he usually does. And when he presses his goggles onto his face, he doesn’t hear a familiar cheer from behind him. And when he sets up on the starting block, all he feels is a resolute calm. An insurmountable confidence and an even more powerful desire to win. And when the whistle blows and he dives into the water, cutting through faster and faster, he realizes that all this time, it’s never been about a dream or a team or the glory or the medals. What’s motivated him all this time was love; and it always has been. 

Haru swims like his life depends on it. He swims like he can still hear the shouting of his coach and the encouragement of Makoto. He swims because he has something important he has to reach. A sight more beautiful than anything else he can imagine. He doesn’t want everything to have been for nothing. He doesn’t want the work Makoto poured into him faithfully and lovingly to have been for anything other than an absolute win. If Haru can do anything, it can be this. He would fulfill both their dreams. 

He hits the sensor, ripping off his swim cap and hesitating only for a second before twisting to see the scores. _Nanase Haruka- 3._

Something like disappointment funnels through him, but this isn’t it and there’s more to come. He still has two more races to compete in and he still made the time cut. He steels himself, pulling himself out of the water. He can still set out to do everything he wants to. There’s only further and further to go. 

The second the races are all over and the competition comes to a close, Haru’s the first out the door, Rin right on his tail. Neither of them waste any time celebrating their wins, they just catch the first train they can and sit, shoulders tense, side by side. “I’m sorry.” Haru finally says, breaking the silence.

Rin raises a brow at him, “That’s new.”

Haru glares, before sighing, looking away.

“If this is about our fight in the hospital, it’s fine.” Rin says, waving it all away, “I’m just glad you got some sense knocked in you.”

Haru hugs his bag tighter to his chest, “It felt like I was moving on without him. Like I could just be okay with him not with me and I…I didn’t want that.” 

Rin looks at him, shaking his head, before knocking Haru in the shoulder, “But now you know right? That you’re just moving forward together _because_ you’re together.” 

Haru nods and Rin smiles. “Good. Because I can’t stand your sulky attitude. It’s the worst.” He derides, wrinkling his nose.

Haru scoffs, “Says you. Don’t think we forgot your emo phase.”

Rin sputters, cheeks flushing as he looks pointedly away, “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” And Haru can’t help but let out a little laugh and when he looks out the window, he can’t help but get the feeling that everything’s going to be okay. 

When the two of them reach room 312, Haru wastes no time running in, stopping when he sees Makoto sitting up, beautiful green eyes staring right at him. “Haru! Rin!” 

Rin’s smile is uncontainable as he bounds over pulling Makoto’s head against his chest in a messy hug, “Took you long enough Makoto.” He pulls back, punching his shoulder playfully though anyone could see the fondness so evident in his face.

Makoto smiles in that dopey awkward way of his, a chuckle rumbling in his throat, “Sorry to make you worry Rin. I honestly don’t even know what happened.”

Rin shakes his head, sighing exasperatedly, “Of course you got knocked out trying to help someone else.”

Makoto scratches at his chin, “That’s what the doctor said too, but truthfully, I don’t remember any of it.”

The jaws in the room drop and Nagisa yells, “Ehh??? What do you mean!! That was your hero moment!! And you don’t even remember??”

Makoto tilts his head up, eyes lost in thought, “Mmm…I mean…I think I might remember some flashing lights or something? And I remember trying to get to the pool but, there’s nothing else.” 

Rin shakes his head, laughing, “Only you Makoto.” 

And there’s a dewy sort of quality in the air, a feeling like home, or maybe nostalgia. Of a childhood well lived. 

Just then, Makoto’s stomach growls, and he glances down in surprise. “Oops.” 

Like he’s just woken up, Nagisa glances at him and then at Haru, a secret smile on his face, “Don’t worry Mako-chan! We’ll go get you something yummy to eat! None of that gross hospital food for you! Rei-chan! Rin-chan! Let’s go!”

“Why me! I want to stay and-” Rin starts, before catching sight of Nagisa’s not so subtle hand gestures, “Ah-hhh, yeah, actually, I’m starving after that race.” He turns around, clapping Haru on the shoulder, “Don’t worry, we’ll get you something too.”

Nagisa shoots him a particularly salacious wink that has Haru feeling like he doesn’t know what to do with himself and suddenly he’s alone with Makoto and even though he’s been alone with him all this time it’s not the same at all. 

But just like always, Makoto cuts through any lingering feelings hanging in the air with just one look of adoration and a simple, “Congratulations Haru-chan. I knew you could do it.” 

And Haru’s running. 

He almost falls atop of Makoto, burying his face in the crook of his neck and clinging so tightly to him he wonders if they’ll blend together into one. “Makoto. Makoto- Makoto.” Haru tries to find the words but all he can say is his name like a prayer on his lips.

He can feel Makoto’s mouth turn up in a smile on his ear and his hand rises to pat Haru’s hair in a soothing motion. “I’m here Haru. I’m sorry.”

Haru pulls away, eyes serious, “Don’t apologize. Don’t ever apologize.”

Makoto’s expression looks pained but he tries to smile through it, “It’s hard not to. Not when I can see how terrible it’s been for you.”

And Haru almost wants to laugh because how is Makoto _real_. “You’ve been in a coma for almost two weeks and you’re worried about _me_.” Haru shakes his head, letting it fall on Makoto’s collarbone, “You really are special.”

“I can’t help it. You almost didn’t go to the race because of me and you didn’t practice and that’s why-”

And Haru snaps his head back, staring at Makoto incredulously before he presses his hand on Makoto’s mouth, brows narrowed. “Stop. Don’t even try to finish that sentence.” 

Makoto tries to move but Haru holds him firmly, forcing him to look into his eyes that swirl with a truth that refuses to be suppressed, “You can’t ever hold me back. Not now. Not ever. You’re only ever my reason to move forward.”

Makoto’s eyes widen, shining with emotion and it’s almost too much for Haru to take in all at once but he refuses to cower from Makoto’s love. “If it weren’t for you, I would never have been able to get this far. And I want to keep going farther and farther. For both of us.” 

He pulls his hand away, readjusting himself so he’s sitting at the edge of Makoto’s bed, so close he could lean in to kiss him if he ever had the courage to. “Because winning won’t mean anything if Makoto isn’t with me.” 

Makoto’s expression softens helplessly and he shakes his head, looking at Haru like he’s blind, “Don’t you already know that I want to be with you for as long as you’ll let me?”

And now it’s Haru’s turn to look at him like he can’t see what’s right in front of him, “Let you? I don’t want to be with anyone else.”

And Makoto’s cupping Haru’s chin and his hair is flopping across his forehead in that hopelessly endearing way and his body is warm against Haru’s, “Forever then.” He promises and seals it with a kiss that has Haru convinced they were one soul split in two when the stars scattered their atoms across the skies. 

And they kiss, again and again, and Haru knows he made the right choice. That Makoto is always the right choice. And he promises to never let him down. To always do right by him. To always be the best version of himself because Rin might ignite his competitiveness and Rei might help him see clearly and Nagisa might pull him from his usual comforts but the person he wants to try the hardest for, the person who inspires him to change, who motivates him to continuously evolve to be better than before has always been the boy across from him, kissing away the tears on his cheeks with a gentleness Haru doesn’t know he can ever live without.

Makoto takes his hand, intertwining their fingers, “Haru?”

But Haru shakes his head, smiling, small, but so so true, “Nothing." He kisses Makoto again, "I’m just happy.”

Makoto pulls him into his chest, cradling him, “Then I’m happy too.”


End file.
